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Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes.

What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t. So she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be.

Told in four parts—freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year—this provocative debut reveals the deep cuts of trauma. But it also demonstrates one young woman’s strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence, of first love and first heartbreak, of friendships broken and rebuilt, all while learning to embrace the power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart.
By:  
Imprint:   Oneworld Publications
Country of Publication:   United Kingdom
Dimensions:   Height: 198mm,  Width: 129mm,  Spine: 28mm
ISBN:   9780861546732
ISBN 10:   0861546733
Series:   The Way I Used to Be
Pages:   384
Publication Date:  
Recommended Age:   From 14 years
Audience:   Young adult ,  Preschool (0-5)
Format:   Paperback
Publisher's Status:   Active

Amber Smith is the New York Times-bestselling author of the young adult novels The Way I Used to Be and The Last to Let Go. An advocate for increased awareness of gendered violence, as well as LGBTQ equality, she writes in the hope that her books can help to foster change and spark dialogue surrounding these issues. She grew up in Buffalo, New York, and now lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, with her partner and their ever- growing family of rescued dogs and cats. You can find her online at AmberSmithAuthor.com.

Reviews for The Way I Used to Be

'A poignant and painfully honest survival story about the aftermath of trauma. Amber Smith weaves Eden's narrative with a deft, empathetic touch that doesn't shy away from difficult truths. This is a courageous, necessary, and beautiful book.' -- Kathleen Glasgow, author of Girl in Pieces, 'A raw novel that'll stay with you long after you finish.' -- Buzzfeed 'A difficult, painful journey, but teens who have experienced rape and abuse will be grateful for this unvarnished and ultimately hopeful portrait. Eden's shell-shocked narrative is an excellent narrative conduit for what Smith has to say.' -- Booklist '*This is a poignant book that realistically looks at the lasting effects of trauma on love, relationships, and life... Teens will be reminded of Laurie Halse Anderson's Speak. VERDICT: An important addition for every collection.' -- School Library Journal 'This young adult novel is an unflinching look at the struggles of a rape victim to process her trauma and find the strength to rebuild her life.' -- Laurie Halse Anderson, author of Speak 'Readers will root for her as she gathers the courage, at last, to speak up.' -- B&N Teen Blog 'This isn't an easy read, but it's an important one... I was incredibly moved by Smith's powerful writing, and Eden's story of growth and survival is one you won't want to miss. You'll be thinking about this one long after you read that final page.' -- Seventeen Magazine 'The Way I Used To Be is an intensely gripping and raw look at secrets, silence, speaking out, and survival in the aftermath of a sexual assault. A must-have for every collection that serves teens.' -- SLJ / Teen Librarian Toolbox 'The Way I Used to Be explores the aftermath of sexual assault with a precision and searing honesty that is often terrifying, sometimes eerily beautiful, and always completely true. It is The Hero's Journey through a distorted circus mirror - one girl's quest to turn desperation into courage, to become a survivor instead of a victim. Amber Smith gets it exactly right.' -- Amy Reed, author of The Nowhere Girls


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