Socially ADDept

About This Book v About the Author vii Acknowledgments ix Introduction 1 Part I: What Parents and Teachers Need to Know Chapter 1: Why Children with Special Needs Struggle Socially 7 Why Teach Social Skills? 7 Language Difficulties and the Hidden Rules of Conversation 9 Difficulty Recognizing and Labeling Feelings 10 Poor Problem-Solving Skills 10 Failure to Mimic Behavior 12 How Children Deal with ‘‘Different” Behavior 12 Why Train Preadolescent Children? 12 Two Major Weaknesses That Lead to Social Mistakes 13 Black-or-White Thinking 15 Teaching Children with SN the Behaviors of Popular Children 15 The Importance of Early Intervention 16 Teaching Joint Attention 16 Two Major Deficits 16 Ten Essential Skills for Being Socially ADDept 19 Notes 22 Chapter 2: Tips for Communicating with Children 25 Coaching Children on Desirable Behaviors 27 Role-Playing the Right Way Versus the Wrong Way 28 Empathy: Being in the Other Person’s Shoes 28 Using Humor 29 Observing and Dealing with Perseveration 29 Recess 30 Monitoring Play 30 Using Opportunistic Reinforcement 31 Chapter 3: Setting Individual Goals and Giving Structured Feedback 33 Building Skills Teaches Resiliency 33 Helping Children Set Their Goals 34 Creating an Individual Program for Each Child 35 Using the Self-Evaluation Forms 36 Using the Self-Evaluation Form to Confirm Joint Perception 37 The Parent’s Role as Facilitator 38 The Teacher’s Role as Facilitator 39 Parents and Teachers Working Together 39 Rewarding Progress 39 Correcting Omissions or Inappropriate Behaviors 40 Self-Evaluation Form: Listening 41 Self-Evaluation Form: Showing Interest 42 Self-Evaluation Form: Paying Attention to Stop Signs 43 Self-Evaluation Form: Controlling Talking Too Much 44 Self-Evaluation Form: Being a Good Host 45 Charting Negative Behavior 46 Charting Positive Behavior 46 Notes 48 Chapter 4: Ways Parents Can Help 49 Helping Your Child Find and Excel in an Activity 49 Preparing for Social Situations 50 Using Discipline During a Play Date 51 Preparing Children for New Situations 52 Teaching Manners 52 Building Physical Coordination 53 Helping Children Learn About Time 53 Using Humor Appropriately 54 Finding a Social Skills Group 54 Meeting Other Parents 55 Getting Help for Yourself 55 Part II: The Socially ADDept Lessons Lesson One: Friendship Skills and Setting Goals 59 1.1 What Makes a Friend? 59 1.2 What Do Friendly People Do? 60 1.3 Ten Friendship Skills 60 1.4 Defining Personal Goals 61 1.5 Defining Positive Qualities 61 1.6 Identifying Children’s Special Interests 64 Exercise 1: What Do Friendly People Do? 65 Exercise 2: Defining My Personal Goals 66 Exercise 3: Tooting Your Own Horn 67 Exercise 4: Private or Public Talk? 68 Exercise 5: Identify Your Interests 69 Exercise 6: Friendship Cards: Keep a Record of Facts About Your Friends 70 Exercise 7: Good Host Rules 71 Exercise 8: Finding Neighborhood Activities: The Parent’s Job 72 Lesson Two: Being a Good Listener and Other Conversational Skills 74 2.1 Listening 74 2.2 Listening Mistakes 75 2.3 The Body Language of Listening 76 2.4 Elements of a Good Conversation: Listening and Responding 77 2.5 Different Types of Questions 78 2.6 Other Kinds of Responses 79 2.7 How to Deal with Perseveration 79 2.8 Arranging a STOP Sign 81 Exercise 9: Listening Facts 83 Exercise 10: Eye Contact 84 Exercise 11: It’s Those Eyes! 85 Exercise 12: Stopping When Asked 86 Lesson Three: Verbal Conversational Skills 87 3.1 Greetings 87 3.2 Conversation Openers: Small Talk 88 3.3 The Middle of the Conversation: Asking Questions and Making Comments 90 3.4 Other Ways to Continue a Conversation 92 3.5 Exiting a Conversation 92 3.6 Conversation Mistakes 93 3.7 The Four Kinds of Friendship and When to Share Feelings 94 3.8 Off-Limits Topics 95 Exercise 13: Sharing the Airtime 97 Exercise 14: Listening and Adding to the Story 97 Exercise 15: TV Host 98 Exercise 16: Using the Telephone (for Children at Home) 98 Exercise 17: How Do Boys Greet Each Other at Your School? How Do Girls Greet Each Other? 99 Exercise 18: How Do Children Say Good-Bye to Each Other? 100 Lesson Four: Communicating Feelings Through Body Language 101 4.1 Facial Expressions 102 4.2 It’s Those Eyes 103 4.3 Open or Closed Gestures and Posture 105 4.4 Respecting Personal Space 106 4.5 Touching People 107 4.6 STOP Signs 107 Exercise 19: Facial Expressions 109 Exercise 20: Practice Identifying Feelings in Facial Expressions and Body Language 110 Exercise 21: Body Language 111 Exercise 22: Physical Proximity 112 Lesson Five: Being ‘‘in Sync”—Understanding and Echoing Tone 113 5.1 Using Music to Teach Emotional Harmony 114 5.2 The Tone of Emotions 115 5.3 When the Tone or Body Language Disagrees with the Spoken Words 116 Exercise 23: The Right Tone of Voice 118 Exercise 24: Volume Control 119 Exercise 25: Practice Identifying How Feelings Sound 120 Exercise 26: Copy Cat: Practicing Being in Someone Else’s Shoes 121 Note for Lesson Five 122 Lesson Six: Recognizing Friendly Behavior 123 6.1 Recognizing Friendly Behavior 123 6.2 Review of STOP Signs 124 6.3 Nonverbal STOP Signs 125 6.4 Verbal STOP Signs 126 6.5 Reading STOP Signs 127 6.6 Play Red Light, Green Light 128 6.7 Using Manners to Say STOP 129 Exercise 27: Reading Friendly and Unfriendly Body Language 131 Exercise 28: STOP Signs 132 Exercise 29: Recognizing How Other Children Say Good-Bye 133 Lesson Seven: Joining an Ongoing Group 134 7.1 Joining a Group 135 7.2 Join, Don’t Intrude 135 7.3 Demonstrate the Wrong Way to Join a Group 136 7.4 Demonstrate the Right Way to Join a Group 137 7.5 Inclusion or Exclusion? 139 7.6 Rejection Versus Refusal 139 7.7 Groups and Cliques 141 7.8 When Your Child Cannot Join a Group (for Parents) 143 Exercise 30: Practice Joining an Ongoing Group 144 Exercise 31: Defining the Groups at School 145 Note for Lesson Seven 146 Lesson Eight: Dealing with Teasing 147 8.1 Why Children Tease Others 147 8.2 Three Major Types of Teasing 148 8.3 Why Children Use Status Teasing (or Put-Down Humor) 150 8.4 Boys and Status Teasing 150 8.5 Evaluating the Type of Teasing 151 8.6 The Wrong Way to Handle Teasing 152 8.7 Three Strategies to Handle Teasing 153 8.8 Role-Play Being Teased 154 8.9 When Jokes Aren’t Funny: The Rules of Humor 155 8.10 The Rule of Equals 156 Exercise 32: Figuring Out the Type of Teasing 159 Notes for Lesson Eight 160 Lesson Nine: Managing Anger 161 9.1 Why Do We Get Angry? 161 9.2 Why Should Children Control Their Anger? 162 9.3 The Hot-Tempered Child 163 9.4 Identifying Physical Responses to Anger 163 9.5 Identifying the Child’s Anger Style 163 9.6 Identifying Anger Triggers 164 9.7 Checking Out the Other Person’s Intentions 164 9.8 Handling Anger the Wrong Way 165 9.9 Seven Steps to Process Anger 166 9.10 Role-Play Handling Anger 167 9.11 When There is an Outburst 168 9.12 Apologizing 169 Exercise 33: What Makes You Angry? 170 Exercise 34: Handling Anger Differently 172 Exercise 35: Practice Apologizing 173 Lesson Ten: Children in Cyberspace: Old Rules, New Rules 174 10.1 Cell Phone Etiquette and Rules 175 10.2 Rules About Internet Use 176 10.3 Cyber-Bullying 177 Exercise 36: Watch ‘‘Kids Online” 178 Conclusion: Learning Social Skills is a Lifelong Process 179 Part III: Appendices Appendix A: What is ADHD? 183 Appendix B: What are Learning Disabilities? 187 Appendix C: What is Asperger’s Syndrome? 191 Bibliography and Resources 195 Index 203