All Feelings Welcome

Preface xix How Slumberkins Was Born xxi Acknowledgments xxv Introduction xxvii Part One The Theory Behind the Connect-to-Grow Approach 1 One Early Emotional Learning Is Foundational 3 The Magic of the Connect-to-Grow Approach 7 Where Does Connect-to-Grow Come From? 8 All Feelings Are Welcome 11 Two Stages of Emotional Development 13 Attachment Relationships 15 What’s Happening in Each Stage and How Our Emotional World Is Shaped 23 Stage 1: Can I Trust the World? 26 Stage 2: Is It OK to Be Me? 31 Stage 3: Is It OK for Me to Try New Things? 34 Stage 4: What Can I Bring to the World? 36 Three Expanding on Core Beliefs 39 Personality Types 44 Why Core Beliefs Are So Important 50 Core Belief Stages 53 Using Core Beliefs to Find Our Inner Voice 56 Four Connect-to-Grow: Breaking Down the Approach 59 Connect 63 Connection to Self for Parents 63 Connection to Self for Kids 65 Connection Between Parent and Child 66 Repair: Returning to Connection 68 Reflect 71 Mirroring and Reflecting: Supporting Your Child’s Feelings, Responses, and Actions 71 What Does Reflection Look Like for Little and Big Kids? 72 Self-Reflection and Modeling 74 Try Modeling Your Own Feelings 76 Practice 77 How Affirmations Support Core Beliefs and the Inner Voice 78 Affirmations That You Can Start Using Today 80 Grow 85 Incorporating Connect-to-Grow in Your Daily Life 86 Before You Start Part 2 . . . 90 Part Two Putting It into Practice 93 Five The Connect-to-Grow Approach in Practice 95 CALM Moments 98 Meet the Characters 101 Six Routines 109 Why Routines Are So Important 112 Routines Through the Ages 112 Proactively Setting Up Routines and Structure 115 Supporting Emerging Independence 117 Affirmation 117 The Bedtime Routine: Implementing Structure and Tools to Support the Process 117 Your Child’s Need for Sleep 119 Affirmation 121 Parent Reflection Moment: Routines 121 Things to Remember 122 Slumberkins Character Connection: Sloth 122 Seven Building Connections 123 Why Connections Are So Important 125 How Children Learn to Connect 126 Proactively Promoting a Sense of Belonging and Building Connections 129 Examples of Healthy Bonding 130 Family Bonding Opportunities 130 Affirmation 131 Recognizing If Your Child Is Struggling 132 Affirmation 133 Parent Reflection Moment: Building Connections 134 Things to Remember 135 Slumberkins Character Connection: Otter 135 Eight Mindfulness 137 Why Mindfulness Is So Important 139 Nurturing Mindfulness in Children 140 Affirmation 143 Using Mindfulness for Stress/Anxiety 143 Supporting Overstimulation and Dysregulation 144 Affirmation 147 Parent Reflection Moment: Mindfulness 148 Things to Remember 149 Slumberkins Character Connection: Yeti 149 Nine Emotional Courage 151 Embracing Emotional Courage 153 Proactively Building Emotional Courage 157 Modeling Emotional Courage 158 Affirmation 159 Supporting a Highly Sensitive or Deeply Feeling Child 159 Affirmation 161 Parent Reflection Moment: Emotional Courage 162 Things to Remember 163 Slumberkins Character Connection: Ibex 163 Ten Gratitude 165 Embracing Gratitude 167 Proactively Promoting Gratitude 170 Shifting Away from Focus on Material Possessions 171 Affirmation 172 Gratitude and Nature 172 Affirmation 174 Parent Reflection Moment: Gratitude 174 Things to Remember 175 Slumberkins Character Connection: Honey Bear 175 Eleven Self-Esteem 177 Nurturing Self-Esteem in Children 179 Teaching Children They Are Loved—and Lovable 181 Proactively Building Positive Beliefs 183 Affirmation 184 Helping a Child Who Is Struggling with Self-Esteem 184 Teach Kids How to Respond 185 Affirmation 186 Parent Reflection Moment: Self-Esteem 187 Things to Remember 188 Slumberkins Character Connection: Bigfoot 188 Twelve Authenticity 189 Exploring Our Authentic Selves 191 Parenting to Proactively Foster Authenticity 194 Affirmation 196 Building Authenticity When You Sense Trouble 196 Understanding the Impact of Spiritual and Cultural Beliefs 198 Affirmation 198 Parent Reflection Moment: Authenticity 199 Things to Remember 200 Slumberkins Character Connection: Unicorn 200 Thirteen Growth Mindset 201 Cultivating a Growth Mindset 203 Proactively Building Growth Mindset 206 Using Constructive Words of Encouragement 207 Words That Reinforce Effort 207 Words That Highlight Potential 208 Words That Foster Curiosity and Learning 208 Words to Avoid 209 Taking Breaks and Why They Are Important 210 Affirmation 210 Helping Shift a Fixed Mindset 211 Teaching Kids How to Respond 211 Affirmation 212 Parent Reflection Moment: Growth Mindset 213 Things to Remember 214 Slumberkins Character Connection: Narwhal 214 Fourteen Self-Acceptance 215 Foster Self-Acceptance 217 Proactively Supporting Self-Acceptance 219 Modeling Self-Acceptance with Your Kids 221 Accept the Things You Cannot Change 221 Encourage Self-Forgiveness 221 Use Positive Affirmations for Self-Compassion 222 Stop Comparing Yourself to Others 222 Practice, Practice, Practice 223 Affirmation 223 How to Support Perfectionism 223 Affirmation 225 Parent Reflection Moment: Self-Acceptance 225 Things to Remember 226 Slumberkins Character Connection: Yak 226 Fifteen Conflict Resolution 227 The Components of Conflict 229 Dealing with Tantrums 231 Focus on Co-regulation 232 Why “Go to Your Room!” Won’t Work 234 Communication During Tantrums 235 Address Destructive Behavior 236 Avoiding Escalation During Outbursts 236 Affirmation 237 Sibling Rivalry 237 Peer Conflict 237 Affirmation 239 Parent Reflection Moment: Conflict Resolution 240 Things to Remember 241 Slumberkins Character Connection: Hammerhead 241 Sixteen Change 243 Supporting Change in Children’s Lives 245 Learning About Family Systems 247 Signs of a Healthy Family System 248 Signs That a Family System Is Not Functioning Well 248 Introducing a New Sibling 249 Understanding a Toddler’s Reaction to a New Sibling 251 Don’t Assume They’re Excited 251 Affirmation 252 Separation and Divorce 252 How to Explain Divorce to Kids 253 Impacts of the Parental Relationship on Children 253 Looking Ahead to Co-Parenting 256 Affirmation 257 Parent Reflection Moment: Change 257 Things to Remember 259 Slumberkins Character Connection: Fox 259 Seventeen Anxiety 261 What If We Reframe Anxiety? 263 Signs of Stress and Anxiety in Children 267 The Dos of Easing Anxiety in Kids 268 The Don’ts of Trying to Easing Anxiety in Children 269 Separation Anxiety 269 You’re Always Connected, Even When You’re Apart 270 Affirmation 271 When to Seek Support 272 Affirmation 273 Parent Reflection Moment: Anxiety 274 Things to Remember 275 Slumberkins Character Connection: Alpaca 275 Eighteen Grief and Loss 277 The Grief Process 279 Proactively Introducing the Concept of Goodbyes 284 Affirmation 285 When You’ve Lost a Loved One 285 10 Facts About Children and Grief 285 How to Talk to a Child About Death 288 Lesson in Supporting Someone Through Grief 288 If Your Child Is Struggling with Grief/Loss 291 Affirmation 293 Parent Reflection Moment: Grief and Loss 293 Things to Remember 294 Slumberkins Character Connection: Sprite 294 Nineteen Self-Expression 295 Expressing Your Needs 297 Proactively Building Self-Expression Skills 300 Affirmation 302 If Your Child Is Struggling with Self-Expression 303 Setting Boundaries 305 Why Setting Boundaries Is Important for Abuse Prevention 306 Help Kids to Know Their Boundaries Through Practicing These Tips at Home 306 Affirmation 308 Parent Reflection Moment: Self-Expression 308 Things to Remember 309 Slumberkins Character Connection: Lynx 310 Twenty Creativity 311 Supporting Creativity 314 Creativity Through the Years 315 Time to Play 317 Affirmation 319 Importance of Imagination in Child Development 319 How to Encourage Imagination in Children 320 Affirmation 322 Parent Reflection Moment: Creativity 322 Things to Remember 323 Slumberkins Character Connection: Dragon 323 Use Case Guide 325 Index 331